Monday, January 25, 2010

Past month in a nutshell.....
WHERE ..........did January go?
It's almost over!
Well this month was a VERY productive month for me which makes me feel a little complete. I opted to wait a month to go to Washington so I could catch up after Christmas and I've been working my little bottom (ok it's really not that little but it's getting there) at work and at the gym.
THE GYM!
I have been going no less than 4 days a week it has given me my own little high I guess....it just makes me happier and I've lost 4 lbs. YAY!
My Birthday....on the 9th of this month I turned 23
...I feel super old....
I know I'm actually not I just feel that way last year was no big deal but for some odd reason I thought that 23 would never come...it did and 24 is on the way. But that's ok :)
Blessings have been coming in swift proportions the past month which I'm so grateful for. It's been a sure roller coaster for the last two years but I feel like it's leveling. I went to church with my roommate this past Sunday and I don't know what it was but life just fell into place. I started writing a diary (not literally writing but it's a blog all to myself about my days so I remember how I'm feeling or something I thought was funny) after watching the Curious Case of Benjamin Button for the first time. Which has helped a TON to sort out how I've been feeling it's like therapy on it's own.
SO CHURCH....back on topic. Was the Sunday I needed!!! I have wanted to change and I know I've needed to I just haven't felt the yearn quite yet or the distinctive feeling I used to feel when I was 17 that I could do anything and be anything and just be happy! I usually despise relief society it just has never been my favorite thing but this lesson we had....
The teacher handed out articles ....
"Repent.....That I May Heal You" Elder Neil L. Anderson
I bit the back of my tongue to hold back tears of the grateful feeling I had toward Heavenly Father. Holy Cow that is exactly what I needed. I needed to know that no matter what I can be forgiven and the road isn't easy I just have to press forward and do what's right.
If you haven't read the article it's amazing and you should give it a go.
Such a new outlook..... I know I've said it before but I feel like I just had a meeting with Heavenly Father and he hugged me
With working out making me feel the way I have it's made me super happy....and the yearning to never miss a Sunday at church has also got this happy go lucky attitude in my head. I don't care that I'm a year older...I really just understand that with age comes growth of wisdom. I might not be caught up with everyone else my age and married with children or going to school but we all have our own paths and I'm so grateful for the road that has been lain before me.
So that's January so far this month I've rearranged my work schedule to beable to attend church this Sunday then the following Sunday I'll be in Rexburg for Michelle's Birthday. :)
***On a side note I've been saving for a digital camera so hopefully I'll start putting more pictures up :)

Friday, January 1, 2010

New Years New Views

So to recap on a few months of life....
November I've turned my life around for the last and final time hopefully. I have found that some things in life no matter how numb they make you feel won't ever numb unhappiness. You choose to be happy. You choose to love yourself. I've had a pretty messed up personal view of myself over the years and have gotten lost now and again. December came and I was feeling great going to the gym, making great money at work, being all around happy. The stress of the holidays got closer but everything turned out because I kept my chin up. I can't say that I'm the closest to Heavenly Father I've ever felt but I'm getting there, I still have my tiffs with him but usually in the end there is always the reminder that he knows what I need. The stress of the holidays passed when I got to Las Vegas. I know right? Las Vegas for Christmas? Well one of my favorite family members lives there and my favorite family was there for Christmas. I met Rayme, Donna, Nicole, and Michelle in Vegas for Christmas. It was GREAT. I love being around family for holidays even if they aren't blood they are family to me.
WARNING MAY GET A LITTLE MUSHY...
I love seeing my Godsend Parents what an example they are to me. One of my favorite parts of the weekend is Michelle sharing with us how Mom and Dad have made their marriage successfully last over the years. Communication is the answer Michelle shared with us. :) There is a funny story that happened a few hours afterwards about Mom and Dad's communication skills that had us laughing. It works for them though! They still love each other and adore each other. They set a great example for their children (blood and adopted). When I left Vegas all I could think of was how I felt around them. I have my moments of being down but they go away when I am near them and I believe its the spirit they carry. I love Nicole and she is so spiritual and so determined and achieved. She is so pure in heart. I had to leave Sunday morning early because I had to work that evening...I hugged them each goodbye and with each hug I knew I would have to inch closer to the door and head back somewhere I don't want to be...I cried as I hugged Rayme, being my last hug. I got to my car and realized I didn't have my wallet and I got a call saying I left my new Ipod too...lol I just didn't want to leave yet. I ran back upstairs and grabbed them real quick. I know growing up is a part of life and it's hard to I just promised myself I would let my light shine through so I could feel the spirit the way I feel it with the Chapins. I cried a lot of the way home....but I knew it would be alright.
Back from Christmas....tonight was new years eve...and I hate new years. It really doesn't matter to me. I went out with friends after work to a house party. I was their driver because I no longer partake in the wilder side of life. I watched all these people at this house say here's a drink and I would say no thanks and they looked at me and were puzzled. They told me I wasn't fun because I wasn't laughing but the thing is, I didn't look like an idiot...A lot of them apologized to me and I said it was fine because it was. I've been in their shoes and one girl made the comment someday I'll be done with all of this and get married in the temple. Slap in the face. I felt for her...because I was once her not long ago. If you know what makes you happy and you know what you ultimately want why change? I honestly at one point didn't know what I wanted I still don't know exactly what I want or where I'm going. I do know what makes me happiest though and after I got home my AMAZING AWESOME roommate Shea had just gotten home also. We talk often and she had had a rough night. Questioning her self worth and her self image...if you all knew Shea you would understand she is gorgeous inside and out! A great spirit! She said something about her worth and I remembered the book that I carry in my car with me and where ever I go just in case I need it. I've mentioned it before but the You Are Special children's book. I read it to Shea because whenever I feel down I read it because I know it's a symbolism of Heavenly Fathers love for me. My roommates are awesome and I couldn't have asked for a better situation. Not only did reading that to Shea help Shea hear something she really needed but it helped me also. I'm grateful for this year and the learning experiences it's given me along the way. This new year I'm going to live by this quote and make it to the fullest:
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light not our darkness, that frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, Who are you not to be?
You are a child of God. You playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in some of us, it is in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
-Marianne Williamson
I need to let my own light shine. I want to look in the mirror and be happy knowing that I am making the most of my life. So first thing is first I'm putting off all vacations till debt is payed. I want to visit Washington so bad but I need to get a handle on debt and on this year start out strong so that when fall comes around and a new school year starts that is the only thing I'm worried about. I look forward to 2010 it holds so many great things in store!