Thursday, June 11, 2009

Faith/Testimony

I have never been great at always believing in anything. As most of you know I'm pretty optimistic but there have always been times when I walk away from things I need and want most, because I'm pessimistic that they will just not work out.
I would like to share a little about faith and love with all of you. You are all people I know and I wanted to share my testimony of Prayer, Christ, Church, Family, and the Scriptures. When I first started my blog I was turning my life around, setting goals, and living because I thought it would help me. I didn't have faith it would help I just wanted it to. I see now over these past months that faith is the key.
I find myself always praying in the back of my head that life goes right and that things will work out. I'm not saying it's bad to pray for these things but I should just have a pure faith that they will and be more thankful for the blessings I have received right then. I knelt on my knees for the first time in a long time (not that I don't pray often just that I don't do it the correct way). I felt instantly a relief not from life or stress but relief of the heart. A shock wave that shot through my spine and brought me to tears. Thoughts of love and wishes for others came pouring out. Thankful for the life I have been blessed with realizing that if you have faith he is right beside you.
Now my first blog was about counting your blessings. Yes I have had fun the past months and I have been living better cutting things out of my life that are unnecessary and daily I see the blessings for living right. Do I live life to the fullest extent of what I believe is right?
Am I reading the scriptures as much as I should or want to? No, I go to them when I need or want answers or need to feel the spirit. This should be a daily search for me I should start and end the day with them. I remember that Peter Self gave a talk in church once about just reading even a verse a day is better than nothing. So I'm wanting that to be a new adventure for me...to feel the love all day everyday that I feel when I need answers...what an amazing opportunity I would be blessed with.
Just a few days ago I was getting ready for work and pictures of Christ that are up in Sarah and Josh's bathroom caught my eye. I've seen them a thousand times just never really looked. His eyes were piercing I stopped for a second and then continued getting ready and headed to work. At work I'm playful and I love having fun. I teased a friend of mine and she was being silly and I turned around and did the one hand motion of "I love you" in sign language. Flipped back around and started out the door I thought of the picture of Christ's hand with the same sign only he had a hole pierced through. Do I think about the blood he spilled for me? So that I can make mistakes (because man I do!) and can be forgiven? I found it ironic that the picture had caught my eye and then something so small as a sign of love would bring on a deep thought such as this. I need to strive to think about that everyday.
Going to singles ward is sooooSO SO SO SO hard! I hate it. I hate the prowl and the hunt and the chase. It's just so tiring to me. I hate getting up and getting ready. More than anything I HATE putting on a dress!!!! Once I get there though I feel good listening to talks and learning new things. Feeling the spirit during the three hour stretch! Church isn't about the things I listed earlier it's about the feelings I feel in the three hour period and making them last longer than that.
Last but not, by any means, least. Children are such a blessing in peoples lives. Siblings are blessings. Mothers and Fathers (even if they aren't your own) are blessings. When I think about my future I think about taking my toddlers to nursery and sitting in sacrament while my baby is making faces at his/her siblings, aunts, uncles, or grandparents. Eternal Families are so important to me. I never realized it. Really having a family of my own someday would be such a blessing and I can't wait(that's a figure of speech...I'll be excited when the day comes). :) Being apart of the families I'm apart of are everyday blessings even when the worst of events have brought you all together. You still have each other forever and always!
My love for this life despite it's difficulties have grown the past few weeks. Tonight/Morning I wanted to write down my thoughts on all of them so I could know that my FAITH is needed in this life to make the eternal life worth it! Love you all!